Thursday, April 28, 2011

Feeling Guilt

I write this as my wife is asleep. I just woke up myself, after sleeping for 13 hours. I wish that lead to me feeling well rested but it doesn’t. I’m not here to talk about the sleep I had or the rather weird dreams I had while out of it. I feel guilty. Before I tell you why I feel guilty, let me tell you a little about yesterday.

See the wife and I had some places to be early in the morning. So we ran around and got those things done, then had a big cheap breakfast at DQ and I wanted to walk around for a bit to get the food to settle down. I like to walk after eating a big meal. So I drove us to a plaza with a Wal-Mart and other stores in it, to make a long story short we went to a Dollar Tree and they had some books there, for a dollar. The one I picked up was a book about Scott Adams. Only for me to get home and pass out.

So in the last hour I read only two pages of the book. Could have read more, but something was bugging me, why had Scott Adams been in the news recently. I saw his name trending on Twitter and Yahoo but never once stopped to check it out. I was getting a sneaking suspicion it had to do with bragging about himself. Why? Well the first two pages so far is about how he had always been successful. So I looked up the news article and it turns out I was half way right. The other half was him saying something some would consider “sexually insensitive”, I’m not going to toss my hat into that ring, because I have read only one part of it and out of context.

So we get to the part that makes me feel guilty. He talked about his high IQ and the writer of the article says that in and of itself is a big no-no. My mind raced back to my last blog entry and I faced palmed mentally. Then I read that he thought that people that didn’t “get” what he was saying where just too stupid. So some of the guilt was lifted. When people don’t get what I am saying, it’s either that my fault or they have different views.

May I put one thing straight with you all? In the post before I wasn’t saying I had a high IQ to down anyone. I was saying it because I feel that there were other people deemed dumb by the school system who also may have had a high IQ. Also when I talk about that point in my life I feel the need to defend my intelligence. Understand, it has always been something put under the microscope.

I’m left wondering if I am even going to finish the book now or if I wasted a buck. I can’t stand people who think they are to smart for life and all those who oppose them are dumb as a sack of foul excretions. No matter how successful they are. So as far as reading this thing goes, I guess I will give it another try, but soon as it ventures back into personal greatness land, it’s going back on the shelf.

Still this isn’t what post I wanted to do for today. Nor have I caught up on the post I wish to do. It is rather early in the morning and I might just do another at some point today, but at the same time I am waiting to hear back about a job. I really don’t know how to keep a blog interesting. I’ve had people tell me that just as long as I am myself there will be people who find it interesting. Well I am myself and I don’t feel interesting at all. Not that I am fishing for someone to post on here that I am very interesting. I guess just all this time with myself I am board of myself.

It’s just I read other writers blogs and they are talking about writing and what not. I feel it’s wrong. I mean I have stuff out there in the world waiting to be judged by publishers and I don’t feel that it’s right to say anything. Not a moral right, but a made up legal right… Yeah I know it’s crazy, it feels like it’s illegal to talk about having stuff out there. Could be the years of singing confidentiality contracts at different jobs, could also be the track I have of talking a project to death.

See you will not find me talking about books and stories I am currently working on much. Sometimes I get so excited about an idea and then the next thing I know I have talked it to death. So the best way not to do that is to not talk about them as I am working on them, even to myself. Yes I have talked an idea to death with myself. I was in the shower when the idea passed away.

I will say this thought if your looking for writing news right now, I am waiting to hear back about one book I have written and one short story. The book is about zombies and the short story is about a serial killer. Oh and I have another short story that was rejected and I need to work on. Then tons, trust me here, tons of other projects. Not all just writing, podcast and animations as well.

So I will leave you all with a recent picture of me from my little sisters wedding. Why? Well for a writing blog I feel I have far to much text and not enough pictures. Thanks for reading!

Update: So I've read past the second page and I see where he was going with that. Lets see how the rest of the book is and I'll be sure to blog my thoughts and views on it. I just felt I should update you all on this fact. As a writer I should have known, don't judge when your only two pages in. So many books I've read had sucked for the first chapter or two and then picked up and become some of my favorites. As I recall when I first read Of Mice and Men I didn't care much for how the book started out, now it is one of my all time favorite books. So in my defense I'll admit I am not a morning person and I was trying to read this very first thing in the morning. Really I was, I picked it up after gathering myself from the weird dreams and flipped it open. Anyway I am going to get back to reading it.


  1. When I first started reading this based on the title and the first line I thought you were confessing to cheating on me or something, lol. I am glad this was not the case. I love you.

  2. Well that was unintentional sorry to raise some concern. I love you too babe.